Sometimes that happens in life. And the insecure artist in me makes me want to believe that’s how it always turns out. That I’m never any good at what I do. That nobody likes what I do or say.

But, I know that’s not true.

My mom says I’m the best wedding photographer ever. Jay thinks I’m pretty good, too. And Astin? Well, he couldn’t care less what I do, as long as I give him attention and take him for walks.

Yes, there are times I fail…times I just do OK. My goal is always perfection in my work, but so far, I haven’t achieved that yet, either. That doesn’t mean I give up or settle for mediocrity. It means I give thanks for where I am and strive for where I want to be. So, I’m going to ignore that nagging feeling of failure and just get on with it.

More like chunky. Unflattering.

And yet…comfortable. Versatile. And a little bit avant-garde…all the really cool kids at college had a pair. The adventurous type…the hikers and rock-climbers…the ultimate-frisbee-playing-and-guitar-strumming students who oozed confidence and a little bit of nerdy coolness. That was me, right? Hardly.

They were expensive. $95 for a pair. Yes, a pair of sandals. But I had to have them. I remember my Dad bought them for me. Thanks Dad, for the Chacos.

I picked out ones with a blue and green pattern, my favorite colors. And I wore them everywhere. Peddling through the hot September sun to my first classes at Texas A&M, sloshing through the massive puddles that formed on the sidewalks when it rained, and climbing up the steps of the history building for my afternoon U.S history class. I loved my Chacos.

So of course I took them with me when I studied abroad in Moscow, Russia the summer before my senior year. I nearly wore them out from walking all over that grand city. Miles and miles of tread were worn away on Red Square, inside the Metro, and on countless sidewalks and city streets. I developed a distinctive “Chaco tan” on my feet: criss-crossed stripes. While the native Russian women strode about in high-heels and platform shoes, I clogged along with my bulky Chacos. Old women would stare at my sandals, but I didn’t care. My feet weren’t grossly malformed like theirs.

In the ensuing years, my Chacos took a back seat to cuter wedges, strappy things, and professional looking pumps as I shed my college t-shirt-and-shorts look for a career wardrobe. But I still kept them. And I’d bring them out every summer.

Then when I moved to running my photography business full-time, those polished pumps got shoved to the back of my closet…and out came my beloved Chacos. Though never really fashionable or flattering, they are still hands down the most comfortable pair of footwear I own. They don’t win me any points for cuteness, and the perpetual line of dust and dirt around the edges hardly invokes the term “pretty,” but I can’t bear to part with them. They’re like an old friend whom you don’t need to explain what you’re thinking to. They just understand. I don’t have to worry about getting blisters or rubbing my heel raw in my Chacos, unlike many other unfortunate pairs of shoes.

So they’re still my favorite shoes to photograph in–I can wade in streams, climb up old concrete slabs, and walk through fields and sidewalks with no worry of ruining my shoes. Unfortunately, they just don’t look appropriate for wedding days. So I leave them at home and don something a little cuter, albeit less comfortable.

But don’t be surprised if I show up to your engagement session wearing my old, trusty Chacos. I promise I won’t make you smell them.

You can see I underpronate when I walk.

A constant companion to this work, beside Astin sleeping on the chair, is music. Hours of sitting in front of computer screen punching a keyboard and clicking a mouse (no, I don’t have one of those cool tablet things) would be quite boring without some tunes to keep me going. Hence, I’m often reaching my quota of Pandora hours by the end of each month (40 hours). If you haven’t heard of Pandora–what rock have you been living under? It’s an online music station that let’s you create stations around the bands or genres of music you enjoy. While you don’t choose each song that plays, you can skip ones you don’t like. I actually prefer not having to think about each song I want to hear next. And, I’ve discovered several new favorite bands/musicians that I might not have without it.

My current station? Bon Iver.

OK, now back to editing!

And what better way to celebrate five years of marriage than by photographing a wedding together? Yep, it’s also Katie and Brad’s wedding day…and they’ve picked a pretty nice date to get married, if I do say so myself. Let’s just hope it’s not nearly as hot as our Texas wedding in late August!

I love you, Jay!

And yes, this is the most recent photo of us together…the problem with being a photographer is that I’m always behind the camera. Thanks to Milla for taking this back in the winter…it’s hard to remember how cold it was!

I’ve enjoyed the challenge of this goal, as it’s made me set aside time to read, something I enjoy doing anyway but often neglect for other things. I don’t know if I would be reading as much as I am. As for what I like to read, it’s mostly fiction…and from the looks of it, I especially like 19th century Russian writers. I admit it, I have a fondness for the classics, but I’m also open to reading good new fiction. To keep track of what I’m reading, I’ve been using goodreads.com. If you are on it and want to befriend me…yes, another social networking website…feel free to find me here. I also welcome book suggestions!

And in random moments during the day we like to take photos of each other “on the job.” The sillier, the better. I don’t often share them, but here’s a small collection from a number of weddings this year. Enjoy!

You see, I do more than take photos.

I pose, too.

Hot stuff.

Barefoot photographer. (Sorry, hopefully you weren’t eating anything).

More posing.

“Now, I want both of you to make a flying leap into my arms.”

I’m constantly looking for ways to make myself taller….and apparently, look as dorky as possible.

All for the sake of a photo.

One of the things Jay also does is model for me when I’m setting up the lighting at receptions. He likes to have a little fun with it.

No cakes were harmed in the making of this photo.

Sitting down on the job.

Stealthy.

Jay has this look, “I know you’re trying to sneak a photo of me, and it’s just not going to work.”

I’m a photo ninja.

I actually haven’t shared this wedding yet…but more photos are coming SOON. Very soon. I just pulled these out as I was editing. Who’s got the biggest camera? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

And last, but not least, this photo makes me laugh a lot. I kind of got stuck in the middle of the crowd. The look on my face is priceless. “Uh, this is fun…right?”

A couple months later I got another phone call. Doctors had found something suspicious, and Mom had gone in for a biopsy. The news was devastating: no, not breast cancer but uterine cancer. And from the lab results, it seemed like a very aggressive kind. They were scheduling her for surgery ASAP. I remember feeling numb…hopeless…what could I do? I don’t want my Mom to die now! And I was so far away from her here in Pittsburgh. I just wanted to hold her. I knew I shouldn’t have looked online–that instead of calming my fears, it would only add to them–but I couldn’t resist the temptation to find out more information. What were the odds, the prognosis? The news was grim.

And I prayed. A lot. Then I booked a flight to come stay with my Mom after her surgery…and counted down the days.

When I arrived, it felt as though the dark cloud had begun to lift. Initial results were good–doctors were expecting to find metastases but found none. Then the lab results came in…gone were the aggressive cells they were so sure they’d seen earlier. It was as if they had never been. And in the ensuing weeks, the outlook became better and better…Mom ended up not even having to undergo any chemo or radiation. I couldn’t believe it! It was such an incredible feeling–a life that had been taken away was given back! Three years on, and my Mom is still cancer free!

But, I know that’s not always the story for a lot of folks stricken with cancer. A lot of times, there is no happy ending. There is still so much research needed to find cures for cancer. And that’s why I am so proud of my Mom. She has signed up to walk this year’s Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the Cure in Dallas, TX.

For those of you unfamiliar with this race–it’s a THREE-DAY hike of 60 MILES! Yes, that’s right…the participants walk 20 miles a day and sleep in tents at night to raise awareness and much needed funds for breast cancer research. I’ve never walked 20 miles in a day before…much less three times back to back! I am so proud of my Mom for doing this, and I know she’s been spending a lot of time training for it. But she can’t do it alone. I so wish I could walk it with her, but I’m photographing a wedding over the same weekend. So, I’m going to try to help her out the best way I can: spread the news and help her reach her fund-raising goal.

That’s right, not only do all of these walkers spend three days walking 60 miles, but they also raise support for breast cancer research. My Mom’s goal is $2,300. She still has a ways to go, so I want to help her reach (and exceed!) it. Breaking it down with simple math, she just needs 100 people to donate $23. Adding in some of the support she’s already gotten, she now needs 100 people to donate just about $20. It may not seem like much, but every little bit helps!

So, if you would like to donate to support cancer research and my Mom in her walk, please click on her donation page. And if you’d like to see her fund-raising progress, you can follow it on her page. I know she’d appreciate any help you can give.

And please share this post with family and friends. Let’s see how much money we can raise! I want there to be more happy endings to the cancer diagnosis! And if you’ve got a story about cancer, feel free to share it in the comments section. Let’s inspire one another!

I’m SO PROUD of you MOMMY!

I’m never where I want to be.

Not that I’m not content with what I have been given…just that I’m never at a point where I feel “I’ve arrived” and that I’m the best I’ll ever be. For me, that’s a good thing. It keeps me motivated to strive for excellence…and to improve and grow as a person and a photographer. I hope I never get so prideful to think I can’t do better. Then I’m no longer teachable…and I’ve lost my sense of curiosity and creativity.

Fortunately, I see plenty of amazing talent out there that keeps me in check.

And so I dream of what I’d like to do one day. One of those dreams is to photograph a wedding in Iceland. Don’t laugh! It’s true…there’s something so mysterious, wild, and untamed about the land that I can’t help but picture incredible images I’d love to create in it. After honeymooning there five years ago, I’ve really fallen in love with the country. It’s different. It’s not your typical tropical wedding-on-the-beach kind of pretty…it’s more vibrant than that. It’s the land of fire and ice. Fire + ice + a wedding= AMAZING PHOTOS!

My only problem? Well, besides the fact that I live in Pittsburgh (I love Pittsburgh! Don’t get me wrong!), there’s not a whole lot of people living in Iceland. Which means there’s not a whole lot folks getting married.

So, I figured I would need to make “shooting a wedding in Iceland” a life goal, as it’s probably going to take a long time to find a couple getting married in Iceland who want me to photograph their wedding. But a person can dream, right? Right??

I know this post is pretty random, so thanks to those who bothered to read the whole thing. And if anyone is planning on getting married in Iceland, definitely let me know!

One of those things I still remember was from my high school speech class. I went to a small school, and our speech teacher was also the drama teacher. Her background was in theater, and I remember most of the kids making fun of her for being a bit round. I liked her though, and I thought she knew a lot about what she taught. I remember her telling us about the time that she was to act in a local play, but on the day of the play she came down with the flu. Unfortunately, there was no one else who could take her place, and without her character, there would be no play. So, high fever, sweats, chills and all, she got through her part. She told us the story not to impress us with her fortitude and strength of mind, but to illustrate that sometimes in life there will be times we must go on with the show…regardless of how we feel. I don’t know why I remember that story so well, but it has stuck with me through the years.

I think it is particularly applicable with wedding photography. Honestly, I don’t always feel like photographing a wedding. Maybe I’m a bit sick, or perhaps I’m really tired. Those are fairly minor obstacles and easy to overcome. But sometimes you are faced with something much, much more difficult. Something personal–a crises in your family–a death, a serious illness, etc. Of course, if an immediate family member dies, it is most certainly understandable for you to not shoot the wedding. If Jay were dying or had just died, there’d be no way I’d photograph a wedding! But what if it were an aunt, a grandparent? What if they were just really sick?

What do you do then? In those circumstances, I recall to mind my teacher’s story…sometimes keeping your word and doing what’s required of you is not easy. Sometimes it’s very painful. But sometimes, you just have to do it.

Photographing a wedding is not like doing someone’s dry cleaning. It’s a big deal. It’s an important day to that bride and groom. Although you may not feel like celebrating when you’ve got bad news at home, that doesn’t mean you can just “take the test on another day.” It’s not high school or college. They may never know your personal sacrifice, but you will know you did the right thing.

Sometimes the show must go on.